i have got to write this one out. write until the wrinkle gets flat and i am too tired to remember what was burrowing under my skin in the first place.
i have got things to do. but instead i am typing and retyping the same sentence. i have put it down three times in the past two days. only to retype it later on and later on and forever saying this same thing.
it really isnt saying anything. and that is why i cant get past it.
so i sit and bob my head to the music that got me through my childhood. and i remember the things that i remembered yesterday like it was a really good game.
the little things that make a night are the small things. the things that probably only you see. like how many stars are in the sky on your way home. or the way the night looks and how large the space feels around you.
anyway. i have not had much of that lately. i listen to the people chatter. and i am hurt when i should be. a delayed reaction time released recovery. from being nice and second picked.
but i have gotten over my fear of. being the last one out.of the gates. i just wish that i could find the point off i the distance. that told me. GO.
on one of my papers, my professor told me that it lacked transition and flow. he wanted a narrative.
i just feel that the narrative is this. there is either feeling or their is sanity. and the clarity that everyone longs for is right in the pocket of your pants. in your god da mn wallet. fuckers, yes. in the bottomless pit of financial favors.
right now i feel like i am tearing someone apart. but all i want to do is build them up. even if it means to another stratosphere. or time and space continuum. even if that means sinking lower and then being broken about it later.
some days you just dont feel like flow and transition. some days you dont feel the need for cooperation and perfection.
for me, that is close to never. id like to sit down and fast forward time to the perfect place
yes, that is nowhere really. i just want to get out of the current moment that i am in.