sometimes you have got to manufacture what you want. and sometimes you have to make what you know is there.
its there. you have to force it out. you have to coax it. you have to see. that youve got to work it until its done. until it is tired and fried and finally.
where it will rest. and where it will grow. and where it will change.
where it will burst into flames. and rise rise rise.
from itself.
i know this much.
some nights i think that the end of the rope is so close. and then i make myself forget/remember. turn back until i realize. that the end is always near. sometimes just not the ending that you think. just not the day that you wished or the one you knew.
you can take a dose of reality and dream in the same swallow. a bit of morality and delinquency together in your belly. soaking up your blood.
until you remember that its all the same. every turn is back. every line is wrapping around and trapping itself.
just release. just appease. the heart is working so hard to act its part. beating and holding.
every dime dripping and saving. simultaneously waning. im passing. laughing. connecting and rejecting.
every day. to everyone. and i slowly say hello/goodbye
to whatever it is that i want.
its then that i realize that. i am just not where i will be. not where i should be. not where i want. not where i think. now where i breath or live or sleep. just
inside of every ache and sweat and memory.
of this peaceful romp in the grass. or night on the porch with the light on. and the cars resting, no noise or radio.
just memories of the songs and the routes. just the time pacing our thoughts.
where we reach our most comfortable.
forgetting. forgetting. forgetting.