streaking a bright blue. the bathroom is hot and filled with smoke. all of these scents. putting folding chairs in the bathroom and then leaving more winter scattered on the tiles than summer or spring.
lately ive been bloody violence. but my mouth has only ripped myself in opposite directions. no limbs linked. no hearts smashed. just a blazing distaste.
put it in your living room.
take my home from me, fuckers. i will torch your offices and empty your bank accounts. drop the filthy cash from the rooftops of every little tenement i can find. into the streets. rolling in paper pleasure.
mother fuckers.
ill stomp your name and then write it in my book. the one i take down with me when i go out and explode. cursed by acquaintances and cursed by names.
still stuck in the rut. no rut at all. launching my body ten times in the air. ten times the height of my voice. it will find you before i do.
today i drew a fish. nothing lovely about that. today i was a little rough. and today i ignored anything predictable.
it only looks nice outside. its really cold and the people are all the same. same faces. same kids. same kinds. id like to run away. but i know its always like this. little clusters of twins and similarities.
places do that to you. make you want to rip your face off. make you want to sew your own clothes. rags with thread through them. hemmed to your chin.
im so tired. playing minor threat and feeling the guitars under my skin. ive been just overendulging and what can you do. what can you do.
ive been avoiding anything that moves. ive been balling up and singing. ive been dreaming about screaming. ive been swaying. when i stand my head falls off and all i see are bright spots.
ive been disarming myself. but then ive been fighting and pushing and crying. and then ive been pounding the keys. been pounding my voice. been pounding the word, fuck. been sticking myself into a blender and bending the blades back with my mind.
its crazy like that. its familiar like that. blood from a stone. silent sonnets. and no pleasing. anyone.