sometimes the walls fall out. and even after all of these efforts at change, theres still the cost. and id like to run forever with you (you being anyone) but my lungs are weaker than my legs are, its cold, and need more music in my ears than any one person can give me.
id like to feel the crashing down. in this book by lauren slater she describes how she would not allow herself to fall. even when practicing in a swimming pool at a special school for epileptics, she still couldnt. one day she let herself go and it was like everything beautiful and clear, crashing down like that. after that day, she would do it everywhere. fall whenever she wanted to.
im bursting with words. no glue, but a lot of wood. it feels like it is coming down- the sky falling and time slowing while the eye walks above it.
i come back around the old areas, familiar only because i am trying. some tired hearts, there are here. it is pleasant, all of this trying.
its funny that no matter how hard i try to commit some things to memory, they just stay put. and then i put them away. and somehow, sometimes, someone understands.